Chapter 14



I have to confess that the events of that last night in the hotel have left no trace in my memory. I presume they followed the usual pattern of little but deep sleep and a lot of lying in a relaxed and contemplative state. I woke up early and spent a long time basking in the heat of the shower. I still wasn't in any way hungry so there was no need to go down to breakfast. I seemed to be surviving well on my own reserves of fat and lots of water to wash it down with. By 9.30 my packing was complete and I was ready to go. My plane didn't leave till 2.30 so I had several hours to while away before I caught the bus to the airport.


I found myself wandering rather aimlessly about the lobby and pool area, hoping to bump into someone I could relax with. I needed company but everyone appeared to have left.  Presumably, some of them were already back at work in their home towns. I felt bereft and sat in the lobby not feeling at all at peace with myself. Then it occurred to me that, at some stage, I would want to write down the story of what had happened to me in Phoenix, so I went over to a table and sat there writing a few notes. I seemed able to remember most of the week's events in detail but still couldn't settle down. The approaching journey home was uppermost in my mind and blocking my ability to enjoy being where I was.


Remembering the advice from Adamis about paying attention to the now and enjoying it, I just sat there for a while and began to feel better. But I still needed company, someone to chat to who had been on the course and was on my wavelength. A simple need but not an easy one to satisfy. Had there been anyone on the course on the same wavelength as me? I was on my own and the pressure was starting to tell now that I was no longer getting my regular hugs and love. I sat quite still and let my mind settle. Would there ever be any let up in the work I had to do to survive? It was wonderful and full of meaning but there was no time off. Then I happened to look up and there was the one person I had never thought of meeting or being with. It was the German lady I had shared the perfect hug with outside the church in the hills near Sedona.


My joy at seeing her was as unexpected as it was absolute. I had had very little to do with her on the course after the Sedona trip. I had smiled at her in passing and she had come up to me for a hug once in a while, but, somehow, she was a little remote or shy of me. Whenever I spoke to her she had giggled a lot and been all softness and smiles. Throughout the course I had paid attention to those I was being with and since I had spent no time with her, she hadn't entered my head. But now, in answer to my call for company, there she was.


She came over and sat facing me. Neither of us could get over our surprise at seeing each other. She thought I had already left and I had simply forgotten she existed. And yet she was just what I needed, someone to talk to who turned out to be totally understanding. I talked and talked and she listened with understanding. I explained what I felt had been happening on the last couple of days of the course and she said that she had been aware of something about the energy of the course. She told me that she had noticed a difference in Frank from when she had been on courses with him in Germany. His channelling had not impressed her this time. I then remembered that it was she who had been holding my right hand when the Michael energy had struck. Furthermore, it turned out that she had been sleeping directly in line with me in the next room. Every night there had been only the thickness of a wall between our heads. It was as if she had been my silent partner throughout and I had known nothing about it. It felt as if the angelic powers that were present throughout the workshop had used whatever means they could to support me energetically without my needing to get involved personally with anyone.


Once again, in my moment of need, an angel had appeared. I could tell her everything without fear that she would get a false impression or misinterpret my motives. It was almost as if I was putting her feelings into words. Having someone else to resonate in harmony with gave me an enormous sense of confirmation and relief. Any doubts I may have begun to have about the value and purpose of my presence on the course were dissolved in peace and warmth. I knew from that moment that I would survive. Her being there at the perfect time was a further sign of the abundance of the universe that I had been shown at the market on the previous day.


We talked for as long as it took and then just held hands and shared the peace and love of the moment. It was exactly like the lunch time I had spent with Izumi but that much more open because we could verbalise our thoughts if we wanted to. We sat leaning across a small table facing one another, savouring bliss for as long as that took. A cleaning lady came and polished a brass hand rail nearby and I knew from the love beaming from her that she was an angel who had dropped in to share our love. The rail was gleaming when duty finally forced her to move away. We sat, eyes closed, letting our faces touch, our cheeks stroke each other, warmth against warmth. Through half closed eyes I saw that the angel was back again polishing the rail. The angels could not keep out of the act. The atmosphere was charmed with joy. We sat there doing nothing but be together for a thousand years and most of them were so perfect that they passed in an instant and left no trace but the memory of bliss. We experienced the reality of the moment and for that brief half hour or so, nothing needed doing and nothing was done and everything was a celebration of the perfection of human creation.


Slowly I began to be aware of time. I had a plane to catch and needed to leave the hotel at 1.00. With 15 minutes to go we came down from paradise and chatted. Our being together had been such a magical, chance happening. It had set the seal on the course and confirmed every truth that I had felt. All the energies with their different names had been united in us, enjoying the experience of being in human form. It was all meant to be and we both knew it. It was like a heavenly celebration to mark the end of an important step in my growth and awareness. More than that, it seemed to involve everyone in the world, such was my sense of the magnitude of what had happened. We walked out to the poolside together and parted with a gentle peck on the cheek.


I took my bag out to the door and sat waiting for the bus to come. My heart was full of joy and love and my thoughts drifted back to my new friend now lying on a sunlounger by the pool. At my feet was a bag of fruit. I knew I would never eat half of it because my appetite was nil. Should I nip back and take her an orange? There was still enough time if I went now. Shall I? Yes!! they all shouted in my head. I asked her in my head too. Yes, yes, I heard her saying. I picked up the orange and walked happily back to the poolside. She laughed when she saw me, "I suddenly had a thought you might come back." Another modest kiss on the lips and she laughed again. When I asked why she was laughing, she said she had imagined a bigger kiss. We both laughed and said a final good-bye. My journey to the airport was filled with the song of love in my heart. A woman had triggered it but the love was for life itself and the joys of being alive. My heart felt enormous and I could feel the great beat of it in my chest.


Once at the airport I stood in line to check in for my flight. The flight to Denver seemed to be getting priority and the rest of us were kept waiting. Some people were starting to get agitated but I was content to feel my heart thumping away with love for humanity at large. Then I became more aware of my heart. I wondered why and as I wondered I heard the familiar voice in my mind saying, "Don't worry we are going to do something to your heart." Since I trusted the inner voices, I said "Okay" and stood there relaxed and open. Suddenly I felt an exceptionally heavy thump in my heart, like an extra powerful beat. There was a release, as if something had been shifted. "What was that?" "We just cleared a blockage." "Is my heart damaged?" "No, but it is very big." "Is it too big?" Worry creeping in to my thoughts. "No, it is big." They seemed to know what they were doing so I presumed a blockage had been cleared from an artery or a valve in my heart. I closed my eyes and looked into it. Immediately I saw masons rebuilding an old stone parapet. They were like little gnomes working away in my heart. My heart was being rebuilt in a queue at Phoenix airport!


I had seen so much that was quite inexplicable on that course and taken it all in my stride. This was no different. Heart surgery while waiting for a plane didn't seem strange. Does it matter where I was? If the conditions were right, the job got done. They just took advantage of the fact that a surge of love had provided the extra energy to shift a deadness from my heart. In simple terms, my heart had been rejuvenated by experiencing a powerful surge of love. I was just aware of the process at a different level of detail and could communicate with the inner intelligence of my energy structure. It may seem strange but then strange things happen when you feel great love and pay attention at the same time. It convinced me that as long as I was open and linked up to the right energies, anything in my mind or body could be refurbished instantly. No wonder I am now an advocate of healing attention rather than pills and the surgeon's knife.


The waiting went on a tiring time but my heart had now stopped thumping and was feeling warm and relaxed though still huge and powerful. Perhaps the thumping had been caused by the blockage. It just had not been used to feeling love of that intensity because it had never experienced it before. My life had always been free of powerful emotions probably because neither of my parents could cope with them either. They both kept life calm and under control and I had never developed great emotional flexibility and resilience. Passionate was not a word you would use to describe anyone in my family. But now my heart was more open and supple and that felt very comfortable.


When I eventually got to the check in desk, I was told that the flight to Houston had already gone. I was pleased by this news. I'd come in via Houston and fancied returning via somewhere else. The man behind the desk was flustered and defensive, imagining that I would be angry. My relaxed pleasure calmed him down. He went away for a while to make a phone call and then came back to tell me he had got me on a flight to London via Cincinnati. The man was most surprised when I thanked him very much. I was delighted because there was now a chance that I could see my elder brother and his new baby during the stopover in Cincinnati, which was where he lived.


So off I went to check in with Delta and find a phone to give my brother a call. On my stopover in Houston I had had no problem using a credit card to call him with. No such luck this time. The machine kept spitting the thing out. I tried others with the same result. I then found a pay phone but had no change. I managed to get some change from a passer-by but, after putting lots of quarters into the machine, I couldn't get a connection and the money spewed out again. Several more tries and still no success. I was getting agitated. There wasn't much time. Suddenly the inner voice said relax and don't worry. Trust life. I decided to leave it up to the angels to decide. If I was meant to meet him there would be time to call from Cincinnati. Live in the present and stop trying to make life happen. Let it flow. Smiling to myself, I put all my change away, picked up my bag of fruit and strolled up the stairs to the departure level. All my tension dissolved away in a few paces.


At the top of the stairs I turned to walk towards the metal detector and X-ray machine that blocked the way through to the departure gates. There were few people about, most of the passengers on my flight having already gone through. I put my fruit on the conveyor and walked through the archway. I picked up my bag of fruit as it followed me through and moved to head off along the corridor that led to the loading gates. Suddenly I noticed in front of me a neatly uniformed man with a walkie talkie. He was so perfect he looked like an automaton. He seemed to be going to stop me. I made to go past him but he stepped across and looked at me with expressionless, piercing, blue eyes. As I half turned to stop, he said quite gently but very clearly," So you are the first one to make it through then." I was lost for words and just managed to mumble something inarticulate before walking on. He made no attempt to delay me further.


So you are the first one to make it through then. It was so odd, so unexpected. People had presumably been going through that archway all day and there were one or two behind me. What on earth did he mean? Suddenly I had a creepy feeling that he had been waiting there just to give me that message. It was like the lady who sold me the oil burner. He was talking not to an airline passenger but just to me. He had told me that I was the first one to make it through a gateway that thousands of people had been through. The meaning was of a quite different order. He wasn't talking about that gateway at all. I walked down the ramp and onto the plane.


The plane wasn't very full and I found a seat in a row on my own. I did up my seat belt with my thoughts totally fixed on what the man had said. What was the explanation? Who was that guy? Immediately I was communicating with the angelic forces, for want of a better term. In answer to my question the name Peter flashed into my mind. It didn't click with any shock. I knew what the gates were. The archway signified the gateway into paradise. It was as if I had died on the course and a new me had been born into a world that could be seen at last for what it really is: Paradise.


I sat and looked out of the window drinking in the sight. The first one to make it through. The view from the window was strangely different. The airport buildings were bathed in light. The whole scene looked like a film version of paradise, luminous and perfect. Every detail emanating a living light that could only be described as supremely beautiful. Whereas, a few years before, I would have panicked at such a sight and felt unworthy at such a preposterous suggestion about myself, now I just accepted it. I was no longer the unworthy young man who had a trail of unfinished business to clear up. I had done my homework and revisited my childhood ignorance and pain. I knew that, given a fair chance and plenty of support, I could measure up to the challenge. But really!! The first one, that was a bit extreme. What did it all mean?


I sat and let the meaning flow into me. It was all about consciousness and how you see the world. I really was in paradise because I could now see the truth about the world. Others saw the world through eyes clouded by fear and pain. The secret to being in this state of clear awareness was to trust in life and live in the flow of the present, not be held by the past or grabbed by an imaginary future. Whenever I allowed hopes of the future to block the present, paradise disappeared. If I paid my dues to the future, sketched in a few outlines, as it were, and left it to the angels to sort out what really needed doing, I was right back in the paradise of the present. It was not for me to guess what was going to happen but to be there 100% when it happened.


The solar plexus, Jupiter energy seemed to play a big part in this. It seemed to be closely linked with my sense of identity, not a mental image of myself but a sense of my true self. If my solar plexus was relaxed in the now, everything flowed and adjusted to suit my real needs. That flow got my heart unblocked and got me on the flight to Cincinnati, not any mental desire. Even then I still assumed that it was intended that I should see my brother. That, of course, turned out to be a false assumption. The purpose of my going via Cincinnati was quite beyond my wildest imaginings.


As we taxied out to take off, I looked out at paradise. Everyone was in paradise and no one realised it. All fast asleep in dreams and nightmares. How long would it take for them to wake up? The answer came back. There would be a period of twenty years now for the new awareness to spread, a period of justification before a new consciousness came along, a new Christ consciousness which meant that the heart would be set free and emptied of pain so that we could live fully in it. Until then people needed to learn to see the world as it really is and stop projecting their suffering and escapist illusions onto it. It was time to start facing up to the inner truth and stop running away, blaming, making excuses, doing all the things we are pleased to call living, when, in reality, it is only dreaming and trying to make dreams come true. Time to stop the nonsense and pay attention to life. Time to open our hearts and look into them with honesty and courage and empty them of pain and illusions to make way for the warmth, kindness and compassion that the healed heart naturally radiates. We had twenty years to prepare in order to make the shift gently rather than in a mad panic.


But then who was I in all this? What was my role? I was the first one to make it through. The bringer of good news, the messenger, the herald. How did this tie in with two thousand years ago as I had felt it did on the last day of the course? It was similar to the role of John the Baptist. He too had been filled with the Michael energy that was needed to cut through to the truth. In his day the ignorance had been deeper and the power needed even greater. He had been destroyed by ignorance. The coming of the love energy in the form of Jesus had been strongly resisted and eventually crushed, but the seed had been sown. Now the angels were trying again to shift us into our hearts and awaken the seed. I had seen the truth of this and knew that all could see it too, if only they had the courage to look and the inspiration to try.


As I sat there I was calm but somewhat in awe. It seemed a lonely role for me. I envisaged myself being alone and rather cut off from the rest of humanity. But no. It appeared that I would be like an elder, with younger brothers coming along to join me. I would be able to turn keys to release others into this consciousness. I wouldn't be alone for long. I couldn't resist asking how long I would be around for. "600 years." Plus the 47 I already have? "647 years." I had to smile. Angels are notoriously precise about time and nearly always get it wrong and leave loads of people shivering on top of a hill somewhere in the middle of the night waiting for the end of the world. Still, if I can get my heart sorted out at airports from time to time, I might be around for a good while yet. And if I can start to do the job required it might be mightily rewarding. I don't mind if you smile and question my sanity either, as long as you start to pay attention to yourself a bit more. Pay attention, open your hearts and watch what happens. And do it as often and as much as you can until it gets to be a habit. All will eventually be revealed. You will know your own truth and be free to live NOW and not at some unspecified time in the future when you may well be dead.


By now the plane had taken off and the ground was dropping away. I looked down on our beautiful world, forests, rivers, ranges of hills, towns so insignificant from this height and people totally invisible. The whole scene was a joy to behold and aeroplanes had made it available to us. I exulted in the view. The prospect of living for 647 years and being the first one to arrive did not make me excited or depressed. I felt relaxed. All I had to do if I felt uneasy was close my eyes and focus, call it meditation if you like or paying attention if that word makes you wince. Then I had all the help I needed. The most powerful energy forces were available inside me and all I had to do was be open to them and allow life to unfold. No wishing, no hoping, no imagining, just trusting. I was a conduit for the energy and was there to bring it into the physical, everyday world. It really was a matter of being connected in both directions, upwards and downwards.


It was a sensation I had first experienced over twenty years before in Cambridge, while watching a cow standing in the meadow as I drove my bus across the river bridge on the way to Newnham village. There had been a sudden awareness that nothing was happening and nothing needed doing and I was doing it as wholeheartedly as the cow. You could call it the blissful emptiness of the present as I'm sure others already have. At that time such moments were counterbalanced by periods of deep, dark introspection that most people would approach negatively and call depression. In those days before I realised the hugely beneficial effects of going through the darkness, I sometimes shared that view and bemoaned my fate. Experience has taught me to go with the flow of moods rather than fight them. I knew on the plane out of Phoenix that I had a lot of adjusting to do if I was to be able to fulfil my new role effectively. I closed my eyes and focused for most of the flight, relaxing and allowing my attention to go where it felt needed in my body and mind, absorbing the new information and sweeping the temple. When the conversation of the two men behind me grew intrusive, I put my ear plugs in and focused again.